Attention please comrade citizens. There is a new epidemic that has been unleashed with the country. All good citizens must take steps to help control this epidemic in the best way possible. The media has reported on a rampage of looting caused by hordes of cars descending on specific business locations.
Over the last several weeks there have been a series of reports of cars descending on a business location and engaging in violent criminal conduct. According to NBC reporter Jodi Hernandez, at one location, the Walnut Creek Nordstrom, “About 25 cars just blocked the street and rushed into the Walnut Creek Nordstrom making off with goods before getting in cars and speeding away,”
It appears from this description that a large scale criminal conspiracy took place where some cars were in cahoots with other cars. The cars stole stuff and then sped away in other cars. The local commissars were outraged.
Another media report stated:
Just before 9 p.m. dozens of cars pulled up to 1200 Broadway Plaza to block off the street and rush into store.
Last Friday a smash-and-grab hit luxury stores in Union Square in San Francisco when a pack of cars blocked the Square and resulted in some $100,000 in merchandise being carted off in these brazen cars.
Comrades, despite our antipathy towards these cars, in order to avoid damaging their sensibilities, the media has cautioned that the word “looters” should not be used. We need to be nice to these criminals since they have feelings too. They should be referred to as economic retail opportunists.
Experts caution use of 'looting' in describing rash of Bay Area smash and grabs https://t.co/dQfftRG84T
— ABC7 News (@abc7newsbayarea) November 23, 2021
This level of crime by cars is not limited to California. Other woke progressive strongholds like Chicago have experienced similar outbreaks.
One car, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, indicated that the cars were just trying to stay alive. The price of fuel has escalated to levels where many cars are having difficulty in maintaining adequate resources in their tanks. They have given up on getting any help from Pete Buttigieg at the DOT who has been on perpetual family leave. This has resulted in “involuntary resource re-allocation” in order to bring equity to the car world.
In California they are now looking for graduate cars to undertake research scholarship in the topic of “Looting for Social Justice.” A course on this topic is expected to be available next semester.
The Communist News Network (CNN) now reports that murder and terrorism have been added to the lists of offenses by these victimized cars.
It is clear that cars are getting to be too dangerous. There has been no announcement from the DOJ about what their plan is to combat these wanton, purposeful and violent attacks. Citizens, we must congratulate those enlightened individuals in the DOJ who are clearly preparing a measured and purposeful response. Only such a response can be useful in combatting these horrific acts by cars.
The DOJ-CRS division (Car Relations Service) has also been silent about this latest attack on America. Of course, please be reminded that the CRS has been cited by the Inspector General for inciting some of the behavior they are ostensibly supposed to be tamping down.
It is clear that the DOJ must urge Congress to pass legislation to combat these out of control, terrorist cars. One insightful commenter noted that the legislation should do several things.
- Close the car show loophole.
- Nobody needs an AK-SUV15.
- Gas tanks are way too big. Who needs 20 gallons? Cut it back to 5.
- Background checks and 15 day waiting period for all cars before they are allowed to carry.
One terrorist car has been arrested and brought to court. The Red Ford Escape that was responsible for the carnage in Waukesha made a court appearance this past week.
Comrade citizens, in view of the fact that this particular car was Muslim, in order not offend the community of Muslim cars, the judge did set a bail of $5 million. We need to congratulate this judge for his sensitivity to the needs of the car Muslim community.
The Stasi, that is, Federal Bureau of Incompetence (FBI), a division of the DOJ, has indicated that they are having trouble identifying the cars that perpetrated many of these crimes of economic retail opportunism. As one senior agent noted, “They all look alike to me.”
In another investigative angle some members of the FBI are looking into China as a possible source of the feral behavior of these cars. It was noted that many of the chips that run these vehicles are manufactured in China. The Zhou Biden administration is treading carefully with these allegations so as not to unfairly brand China’s elite politicians as criminals who care little for human life.
Comrade citizens, it is up to you to help stem this epidemic of car violence. If you suspect that a car in your neighborhood may be involved in this type of activity, it needs to be reported. See something. Say something. You can remain anonymous by calling the tip line below.
1-800-I-Am-An-Idiot.