WARNING: Satire ahead!
As the leftist media has done so many times recently, they tried to change the definition of a word to suit their agenda. The word is “raid.” The leftist commentators thought the word was “too harsh” to be used in reference to the raid on PDJT’s home in Florida.
However, in a rare display of backbone, the Merriam-Webster people were unwilling to do so. The definition still includes “a sudden invasion by officers of the law.” Now one might quibble with the idea that FBI are actual officers of the law. However, at this moment they are still technically such. So, a raid is what it was.
With criticism mounting, The Babylon Bee published an article on Christopher Wray’s response.
U.S. — FBI Director Christopher Wray has come under criticism for his raiding of former President Trump’s residence. He responded this morning by announcing that all who criticize the FBI’s raid will have their own homes raided as well.
“We will not tolerate any disparagement of this proud and incorruptible federal law enforcement agency that has never done anything wrong,” said Wray. “All who oppose us are dangerous and deplorable. Prepare to be raided, suckas!”
Wray then directed bureaus to cooperate with local S.W.A.T. teams and search the homes of everyone who expressed anger and disgust at the FBI raid on Trump’s home in Mar-A-Lago. “We will not rest until every deplorable sock drawer has been dumped out and every dangerous home safe has been broken into. Anyone who resists will be sent to GITMO. Don’t mess with me, man!”
News media assured the country the raids were completely legal as a federal judge formerly from Epstein’s defense team signed off on them.
Leaving no stone unturned, the FBI has requested a complete list from Dominion of every person who voted for PDJT in the 2020 election. Wray dropped all pretenses when he said, “The privacy of one’s vote pales next to the need to protect the country. It is clear that those who voted for Trump may harbor a number of deplorables who might use the 300 million guns they own in a fashion that is not acceptable.” Wray indicated that he would be calling on Congress to pass legislation to end the 2nd Amendment in order to protect the country.
The US Dept. of Homeland Security backed up Wray’s statements by issuing a notice of their own. It stated that free speech is now the biggest domestic threat for terrorism. Whereby the voices to target are those voices who might: “sow discord and undermine public trust in government institutions to encourage unrest, which could potentially inspire acts of violence.”
Once again, the media agreed that, while unprecedented, such actions were long overdue and entirely consistent with the government’s mission of protecting the country from its biggest threat, domestic terrorism instituted by deplorables.
In a rare moment of honesty, one unnamed FBI agent leaked the following to the Babylon Bee:
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — New reports from Mar-a-Lago indicate that during Monday’s raid, FBI agents searching the house ran quickly to see the safe only to find it empty with an angel of the Lord standing beside it. According to eyewitnesses, the FBI agents trembled and became as dead men.
“Do not be afraid!” began the glowing angel, gesturing to the open and empty vault. “I know that you seek the classified documents taken by Trump. But behold! The Documents you seek are not here!”
Meanwhile, in Merrick Garland’s garden, the following grew up overnight.
