Alert! Canadian Comrades! In order to protect our esteemed leader from the Russian invading forces who have disguised themselves as truckers, our revered leader was moved to a secure location. It is not true that he is holed up in a basement in Delaware.
Public Safety Minister Marco Mendicino said he would not comment on the media reports of Russian operatives currently encircling the capital.
Comrades, apparently some Spetsnaz units stationed near the Ukraine were re-directed to Ottawa in an attempt to destabilize the Canadian government.
Comrades, there is nothing to fear. The Canadian military is prepared for such an eventuality and will defend Canada’s right to participate in the Great Global Reset. The fascists will not prevail. Even if, as reported, there are Russian tanks hidden inside some of the trucks, our military can handle the situation.
Comrade citizens, you can be assured that our esteemed leader, Justin Rainbow Socks Trudeau, is in direct communication with Beijing on the safest path to follow. Our leader is seeking the best plan to handle this very small, fringe extremist group that has partnered with a few Russians in an attempt to destroy our great democracy.
Comrades, please ignore rumors on Internet conspiracy sites that Fidel Castro was our esteemed leader’s father. Also, it is absolutely false that JRST was seen at the border in disguise trying to cross into the US.
Comrades, it is also absolutely not true that that JRST had some Russian strippers pee on a hotel bed in Moscow while doing undercover work for Mossad. Nor was JRST seen maskless at a fine restaurant in South Florida.
Comrades, it is probably best if you avoid the Ottawa area while our brave military ferrets out the traitor extremists. While there are not a lot of them, we would not want any of our citizens to be hurt during the activity to extract the Russians.
And, comrades, the Babylon Bee reports that President Biden lent his support to JRST, calling him a ‘surprisingly articulate black fella’.
https://twitter.com/beingrealmac/status/1487506865294561280
