Category Archives: Humor

I did not write this.  Just a change of pace from all the serious things going on.

Random AssClown: “Wear your damn mask”
Me: The viral particles are much smaller than the pores of the mask, so the mask is ineffective at filtering them. Right?
R: No, they travel on droplets and the masks keep the droplets out. Or they keep them in if you’re sick.
Me: So wait, how is the virus transmitted?
R: Through droplets. Wear the mask.
Me: Droplets?
R: Yes, like droplets spewed through a cough or sneeze.
Me: So through people who are showing symptoms?
R: Yes
Me: So why do healthy people need to wear masks?
R: Because of asymptomatic spread. Listen to the experts.
Me: I am listening to the experts. Many studies show, and even the WHO announced, that asymptomatic transmission is exceedingly rare. Did you read that?
R: WHO walked that back to clarify that its presymptomatic spread that’s concerning.
Me: Presymptomatic?
R: Yes, like they are infected but showing no symptoms.
Me: Symptoms like coughing or sneezing?
R: Yes.
Me: So how is the virus spread again?
R: Just wear the mask.
Me: Are you going to answer the question?
R: It’s like pants.
Me: Pants?
R: If a person pees in public without pants on, you have a greater chance of getting pee on you. Your risk is reduced further if you are wearing pants too.
Me: First of all, people don’t pee in public. Second, if they did pee in public, the only way someone’s stream of urine would hit me is if they were directly aiming for me and standing close enough to hit me. And third, I don’t care if you wear pants. How does this relate?
R: If someone coughs on you in public you’ll care.
Me: People don’t just cough on each other. The last time someone coughed directly in my face was when I had toddlers and they didn’t understand common courtesy and germ transmission. The only way someone would cough directly on me in public is if they were aiming. Anyway pants don’t keep the pee in, it’s still going to get everywhere. Pants just change the direction of the flow. Same with masks.
R: Common courtesy?! You don’t have common courtesy if you’re refusing to do something as simple as wearing a mask!
Me: How is it courteous to ask me to do something I disagree with (based on research) especially when I’m not sick or showing any symptoms when the virus is spread through the droplets of people who are showing symptoms?
R: You’ll think differently if you get sick.
Me: If I get sick, I’ll stay home. But if I must go out I will be happy to not cough on people. But just to clarify, would you stand near me in public if I were wearing a mask and coughing?
R: No, I mean, if you get sick, you could die.
Me: The virus has a 99.9 something percent survival rate.
R: It’s not about you, it’s about protecting the vulnerable.
Me: If I am not sick or showing symptoms how am I further protecting the vulnerable by wearing a mask? Studies also show these masks put the wearer at increased risk of illness.
R: You can’t listen to those studies, you need to listen to professionals in the fields of medicine and science.
Me: These studies ARE from professionals in the fields of medicine and science.
R: They are obviously flawed.
Me: How so?
R: It wouldn’t be a mandate if it weren’t important.
Me: Why is it a mandate now that the death rate has plummeted when it wasn’t a mandate during the peak?
R: Because of new studies on masks.
Me: So masks have never been studied before, in the entire history of medicine?
R: It’s a new virus.
Me: A new virus that is transmitted in the same way as other viruses. How is it transmitted again? Through droplets of people showing symptoms? So, if I’m not sick or showing symptoms and I have no fever and I’m not coughing, how would my wearing a mask further prevent transmission?
R: Stop being an asshole and wear the mask.
Me: So, you’re asking that I stop thinking critically, accept a totalitarian mandate, join the herd of mindless sheep, and walk blindly into a dangerous abyss of ever increasing control over my self sovereignty that violates my rights, all while signalling my virtue?
R: I’ll report you if you don’t.
Me: What country am I in again? ...